i am not religious
But my family is very religious & I won't lie...I am already overwhelmed with the "return to the cross bc cancer," "god does everything for a reason," "get in alignment with god," & the like.
I understand that folks mean well when they say these things, but it makes me uncomfortable because I feel like I am not allowed to be uncomfortable about what they're saying/implying if it makes sense.
I am not against religion at all. I grew up in the church & the most religious person I've ever known was myself at one point. I still rebuke & bind stuff in the name of Jesus & I am quick to shout "YAS GAWD" when things are up or working in good favor. I can also spit out tongues for praise & emphasis on command, lol.
I just literally do not know how to "get in alignment with god." Like wtf does that even mean? & how do you know that it means that? lol. I highly doubt ppl get cancer for any greater cause or supernatural reason. When I went for my MRI, there was a baby there younger than age 2. I hope her diagnosis is far off from cancer, but I refuse to fucking believe that sweet baby did anything to deserve any such diagnosis & I doubt even more that it will benefit her at a later time. Girl wtf. Lol.
I entertain my family & support system to a point because it is possible for me to achieve communion (no pun intended) with my loved ones in such settings. I actually still consider the church I grew up in as "my church," & the people who attend will always be "church family." Many of those members I actually view as family. My church home has blessed me with an abundant amount of TT's.
It also brings me joy to witness my mom wanting to pray for me & support me so valiantly. She rallied her friends to pray for me on a last-minute Zoom call & they all stood in formation without hesitation. I've been crying out of sincere gratitude that 31 women love & care enough about me to want to stand beside my family & me as we experience this. I am honored beyond measure.
Two strangers prayed for me in the mall the other day & their compassion brings me chills every time I think about it.
The day of my diagnosis, my dad hugged me real tight & told me that this was just the devil's way to distract me & knock me off course. He encouraged me to keep smiling & being happy & I hope I never forget that moment for as long as I live.
I love my family. I love my church family. I am grateful for the abundance of love I am engulfed in, but I do wonder how I will later handle boundaries. Idk if I will blog about that, but there are people in my life who attempt to impose their beliefs on me & get sincerely upset when I shut down or request that they stop. But I have to just sit there & respectfully be uncomfortable. Lol
& I am not trying to be mean or haughty. I just simply do not care enough about religion to make it a "core" part of my life. I don't mind that people gain value from their practices & I enjoy hearing people speak passionately about ministry or their faith walk. (I am subscribed to a few Christian creators).
Those things do not relate to me personally & that's okay. I just wish more folks acted like it was okay without blowing a gasket or behaving like my lack of interest is a personal attack on them/their faith. You do not have to go ye therefore & teach me anything. I will happily go to hell without a fuss, lol.