merry new year
Happy New Year to all who celebrate.
I haven’t been writing here bc I have been grieving.
I finally had surgery after issues with our insurance & the MRI machine breaking down where I get seen.
I am still healing up from surgery but unfortunately idk how to sit my ass down. I somehow managed to spend 2 full days cleaning the house to a degree that I gave myself more tasks to do just so I wouldn’t have to sit w my thoughts. Bc of all the movement, one of my incisions has swollen to an abnormal degree. Some tissue inflammation is normal during healing but this thing is jutting out the side of my armpit.
I will run it by my surgeon at the follow up appointment but my nurse & oncologist & my mama & my best friend & my husband have already told me to lay down.
My care team revealed that it will be longer than initially anticipated before I can have babies. They were able to remove everything that could be removed surgically but a pregnancy could wake up those dormant cells & bring the cancer back or cause it to spread. I am heartbroken. I waited until I felt ready to start a family & now that I’m here, life is like “nope.” That’s why I haven’t been blogging. All of my journal pages & my morning pages have been full of this grief lately.
I am so grateful to be 2/3 done w this journey bc seriously man, fuck cancer & fuck chemo but it’s hard to celebrate when the main thing I want is so far from my reach.
My cancer is so aggressive & hormone sensitive that I will be on intense hormone therapy for the next several years to keep my ovaries asleep. Is I’m even gone have ovaries left by the end of this? Lol
I have radiation coming up next month & I transferred schools.
I found this meme to sum up the way I’m feeling. I am so grateful for the support of my family & friends & my sweet little kitty Oliver. Things could be so different so I consider myself very blessed.
I just never imagined life would laugh in my face like this.
Here’s a picture of my boy.
Hubs says I’ve turned him into a Cheetah Girl. 🤣
Y’all be well.
100 Days to Offload - 9/100
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