my worth
So I have 7 more chemo treatments. The time is really flying by.
I wish I could be happier about that, but of course I have to find a way to be hard on myself despite fighting cancer.
I was given more fluids & vitamins & that appeared to have me feeling better for a few weeks, but now it’s back to being tired. Like…washing dishes will have me winded & panting for breath. Part of me is over it & part of me says I should probably rest if that’s what my body so desperately needs. Lately I oversleep & I can nap at the drop of a hat.
I have school to study for & personal projects I wish to achieve, but I can’t get my ass out of bed.
I struggle to sit at the computer for long periods of time, so I only manage about two 50m pomodoro sessions before I have to lay back down.
I have story ideas & things I wanna try for my dev portfolio but I can’t seem to gather enough spoons.
It feels like life is passing me by.
I’ve been enjoying the clips from Beyoncé’s Cowboy Carter tour that make their rounds. Seeing Bey’s joy while performing with her babies is so beautiful to witness. Funnily enough, I have 16 CARRIAGES looping in my head but my girl said we finna have no more carriages! I’m so glad she got down safely. She laughed it off like a queen, but I know she was thinking about her babies the entire time she was stuck up there.
Bring Her Back was really good. I watched Hold Your Breath & thought that was cute, too.
For some reason I started listening to The Stand by Stephen King on Audible despite having an immediate & overdue TBR of like 8 books?? I love it lmaooo.
I wish I could make myself study & code more. Paint more, draw more, dance more. It’s so sad how much my worth is tied up in how much I can do. Idk if that’s a healthy outlook to have but idk how else to be. How does one unlearn a pattern like that & what would I replace it with?
100 Days to Offload - 6/100
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